Three nights ago I caught myself in the act of being engaged in
a brief yet interesting conversation with three friends. We’ll call them Peter,
Pauline, and Mary (since they were a boy, a girl, and another girl who was my own
roommate).
Peter and Pauline each, in turn, asked me “Do you think I’m
rude?”
I said “Do you want my most honest opinion possible?”
They said “Yes,” so I proceeded forth without hesitation to
offer them my most respectful yet honest opinion.
Both of them actually received this same basic answer from me:
“I never thought you were rude. However, I did sense a big ‘wall’ between us
when I first met you. Some people who perceive you might take that wall as a
message that you are indeed ‘rude’ because they can’t find
ease in interacting with you.
“Depending on the person perceiving you, you may come across as
intimidating” was my bottom line.
And then my roommate Mary chimed in and said “Alison, I don’t
think you can ever be intimidating!” You had to have been
there. It was a hilarious interjection, and it caused all the room’s
inhabitants to laugh instantaneously at the truth of Mary’s statement. As if I
am ever hard core and unbubbly!
Mary and I chatted later that evening whilst we prepared to
retire from the day. We talked about different ways to deal with people who
always seem to place “walls” in front of themselves. We can either assume that
this sort of people is a rude people simply because there’s a wall, and just
forever believe they’re rude and forgo ever trying to become friends with them.
OR we can give them the beloved “benefit of a doubt” and believe
that they’re truly trying their best to be kind, and that they even are fully
aware of their wall and are earnestly seeking to tear it down.
TODAY’S PEACEMAKING POINTER IS: Try to be a person who gives the
benefit of a doubt. Keep trying to be kind to the person who seems to have
constructed a wall designed to block your friendship. I personally believe
that, more than likely, that person isn’t trying to strictly limit the number
of friends they can have. More than likely, they’re not trying to shun you and
keep their friend-count at an all-time low. It’s human nature to want love and
wholesome relationships.
Mind you, it’s okay to not actively seek to become the person’s
“BFF.” But I do ask you to always try to be at least a civil and genteel
acquaintance. Do not turn away your kindness from that person, and do not
believe that they are rude if they haven’t actually deliberately done or said
anything rude to you. If they haven’t actually proven to be your enemy, don’t
be antagonistic toward them.
I’ve put my own advice to the test. Remember when I said that I
sensed walls between Peter, Pauline, and me? I kept being kind, and whaddaya
know—we’re all friends now, and I wouldn’t be surprised if we became better
friends as time goes on. It’s all a very common tale, and I’ve seen other
examples of it. Have you?
